FoxTrot: the Movie
Screenplay by David Ganssle
SCENE ONE: Day. Exterior shot: 1254 North Elm Street. Roger comes out to get mail and brings it inside. Interior shot: Living room. Roger comes in, sorting through mail. Andy is in the den trying to get online with the iFruit computer. Jason is playing Jupiter 64 video game.
ROGER: Honey, the mail's here.
ANDY: I'm in the den. Anything good?
ROGER: No, just the usual. Solicitations for money...Solicitations for money...this is getting ridiculous.(turns to Jason)Jason, will you stop writing us these letters?
JASON: You know, you could just raise my allowance!
Andy tries to get online again, but fails.
ANDY: Augh! Why cant I get online?
iFRUIT: Well, about six or seven hours ago, your daughter was getting on me, but then noticed her sweater clashed with me, and, as she stood up, mumbled something about having to call Nicole, and...
ANDY: Oh, of course.
Interior shot: Paiges room. Paige is on phone.
NICOLE(offstage): So, are you going to the school dance?
PAIGE: Yeah, I think so.
NICOLE(offstage): Has anyone asked you yet?
PAIGE: No, but theres this cute guy in biology who has the hots for me. I think hes waiting for the right moment to pop the question.
Interior shot: Nicoles room.
NICOLE: You never told me this! Who is he?!?
PAIGE(offstage): Im keeping it a secret until its official. Has anyone asked you?
NICOLE: Yeah. John Barry. You know him--hes in your biology class. So whos this mystery man of yours?
Interior shot: Paiges room. Paige sits in disbelief, then looks very angry.
PAIGE: A two-faced slug!
Andy comes in room.
ANDY: Paige, you use the phone for too long each day. Youre on
the phone 115 hours a week.
PAIGE: 115 hours a day.
ANDY: You need to let others have a turn, Paige.
PAIGE: Okay, okay, okay.(hangs up)There, now its my turn again.(picks up phone)
ANDY: Paige, Im suspending you from the phone for three weeks.
PAIGE: But-but- the dance is in two weeks! Someones gotta ask me!
ANDY: Well, they can ask you in school.(disconnects phone cord)If you have to make a call, you have to do it in the living room, where youll be supervised.
SCENE TWO: Comic strip-style caption on top says Next Week.... Zoom in on Andy trying to get online.
ANDY: Augh! Now who is hogging the phone?
Interior shot: Peters room. Peter is on phone.
PETER: So, Denise, do you want to go out tonight?
DENISE(offstage): I dont know.
Interior shot: Denises house. Denise is on phone sitting at table.
DENISE: Do you want to go out tonight?
PETER(offstage): I dont know. Do you want to go out tonight?
DENISE: I dont know.
Interior shot: Peters room.
DENISE(offstage):Do you want to go out tonight?
Andy enters room.
ANDY(yelling angrily): Peter, youve been on the phone for
three hours! Could you let someone else on for a change?
PETER: Actually, why wait until tonight?
DENISE(offstage): At least let me finish breakfast.
Fade in on computer screen. Mouse clicks Mail and goes down to Read New Mail. Zoom out to reveal Andy on computer.
ANDY: I got on Complinet! I got on Complinet! After months of busy signals, months of waiting endlessly, months of Paige and Peter hogging the phone, I can finally check my e-mail!
iFRUIT: You have zero new messages.
Interior shot: Kitchen. Jason and Paige are eating breakfast and
look toward general direction of the den.
JASON: Did anyone else just hear a loud crash?
SCENE FOUR: Exterior shot: Hillsdale High. Camera constantly films
students going to class, etc.
Exterior shot: Outdoor lunch area. Paige and Nicole are eating.
NICOLE: Paige, dont worry. Someones bound to ask you to the dance.
PAIGE: Yeah, right. If someone was going to, theyd have done it by now.
NICOLE: Not true. Some guys are shy.
PAIGE: Great. Now Ive got to wait until some insecure drip gets his act together.
NICOLE: Its just a matter of letting people know youre available.
PAIGE(screams): SOMEBODY BETTER ASK ME TO THE DANCE!
PAIGE: I'm sorry, Nicole, but I'm desperate. I will take anyone at this point!
NICOLE: Well, I know how you feel. I felt that way for a little while, but then he asked me!
PAIGE: Well, who doesn't have a date yet? Besides me?
NICOLE: I don't know, but you'll find someone. Trust me.
PAIGE: Well, I appreciate your support, but I'm still not sure.
Pan several tables away to Peter and Denise having lunch.
DENISE: Peter, sweetie, I can't wait until this dance! It will be so
exciting! So new! Such an adventure! So strange-feeling! Just like the other fifteen
million dances we've gone to together!
PETER: Yeah, it's gonna be great! Wonder what kind of food will be there...
DENISE: Peter! I can't believe you would think more about your stomach than about me! All you ever care about is food! At lunch, you compliment on my cookies! On dates, you order twice as much as me! In our study hall together, you just eat cashews and other nuts!
PETER: I don't love the food more than you! You're as good as nuts!
DENISE: Now you're insulting my intelligence!
PETER: That's not what I meant! What do you want me to say?
DENISE: That you love me! That you want to spend the rest of your life with me! That if given the choice between marriage to me and an everlasting feast, you'd choose me!
PETER: Okay, okay. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If I was given the choice between marriage to you and an everlasting feast...
DENISE: Yes? Yesssssss?
PETER: Did you cook the feast?
PETER: I'm kidding! I love you, Denise! Believe me!
DENISE: I do. I just don't want to lose you to a snack.
PETER: Denise, sweetie, I think I lost my appetite. You can have the rest of my lunch.
DENISE:(thinking)Works every time.
SCENE FIVE: Fade in on Jason's classroom. Jason and Marcus are at their desks, eating lunch. Miss O'Malley is by the door.
MARCUS: So, you know this upcoming dance?
JASON: Yeah. It's the night after the dance at my brother and sister's school.
MARCUS: Who you gonna go with?
JASON: Get real, Marcus. What makes you think I'm even going to go?
MARCUS: Well, it's mandatory...
JASON: Like I'd let a thing like that stop me...
EILEEN(enters): Oh, Jason....the dance is coming up...(puckers lips)I don't have a date yet...
JASON: I'm not suprised, Eileen.
EILEEN: (slyly)You know, I've heard you don't have a date yet either...
JASON: No duh. Do you really think I'm going to go to that stupid dance?
EILEEN: (even slylier, if that's a word, and sexier)I've got a Gamestation 2 portable...
JASON: Don't tempt me!
EILEEN: Jason, I would really like it if you would...
JASON: Get a life, Eileen! I know what you're going to ask, and the answer is NO!
EILEEN: Fine, I'll ask Marcus. Marcus, will you take this twenty-dollar bill I'm trying to get rid of?
JASON: What?!? Wait! Eileen! I'll take it.
EILEEN: It's too late....you said no...
JASON: Ask me again! Please!! Please!!! Please!!!!!
EILEEN: Fine. Jason, will you...
JASON: Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!!!
EILEEN: You'll go to the dance with me? Really?!?
JASON: What?!? No!
EILEEN: It's too late...you said yes...
EILEEN: Okay, I'll give you a chance to think about it.
JASON: Offer me that twenty-dollar bill again!
EILEEN: Not now...maybe later...
As Eileen leaves, Marcus whispers to her.
MARCUS(whispering to Eileen): Do you even have a
EILEEN(whispering back): No, but it works every time.
Miss O'Malley enters and tries to quiet everyone.
MISS O'MALLEY: Boys, Girls, settle down. I have a suprise for you. For the next couple of weeks, we will have a very special guest in our class, a friend of some of you. Her name is Phoebe.
Jason and Marcus, shocked, turn around. Jason spews Coke out of his mouth, and accidently knockes over his can with his hand.
JASON AND MARCUS TOGETHER: PHOEBE?!?!?
MISS O'MALLEY: I trust you will love having her here. Where do you want to sit today, Phoebe?
PHOEBE: Right next to Marcus.
MARCUS: No....no....Dear Lord, no....please, God, no....
MISS O'MALLEY: Excellent choice...sit right there.
MARCUS(whispering to Jason): Oh, gosh, this is terrible!
JASON(whispering to Marcus): I'll say! Phoebe and Eileen together for the third time! First camp, then the journal incident, and now, this! What's this world coming too?
MARCUS(WTJ): Well, I guess maybe we could do worse...
JASON(WTM): Are you kidding? The dance is coming up! Now we may only have to take them!
MARCUS(WTJ): Gosh, I didn't think about that! But it still could be worse...
MARCUS(WTJ): Well, at least we don't have...
JASON(WTM): Don't say it!
MISS O'MALLEY: And her brother, Eugene.
JASON AND MARCUS TOGETHER:(yelling)NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Play intro to "Born to be Wild" as an instant transistion marks the end of the scene.
SCENE SIX: Play "Born to be Wild" under entire scene.
Jason and Marcus are running out of the school screaming. Phoebe and Eileen run after them yelling "Wait! Guys!", etc. Jason and Marcus run down the street and jump onto a passing ice cream truck, open the back, get in the storage area, and mumble "Whew! We lost them," etc. The ice cream truck then stops and Phoebe and Eileen come. The ice cream man opens up the doors to show them what they have, and finds Jason and Marcus inside. Upon seeing the girls, Jason says, "Oh, crud", and he and Marcus run off. They run into the local pool, and Jason runs up to the top of the highest high dive. Eileen follows him saying, "Wait! Jason!", but he climbs to the top. She follows him up, and says "Jason, hold on!" Jason, seeing no other alternative, dives off the board. Eileen screams, "Jason! Wait! There's no water in the pool!" Jason, upon looking down and realizing this, says "Dang." Marcus, seeing Jason's fate, runs out, gets a hose, and starts filling the pool with water. Right when the pool is filled, Jason lands in the water. We now see J&M run back into the school. The girls walk down the halls looking for them. Eileen opens Jason's locker and finds him hiding inside. Phoebe finds Marcus in the janitor closet. The boys run off towards Jason's house.
SCENE SEVEN: Interior: Jason's Room. Jason and Marcus run in, panting.
JASON: Whew! We lost them!
MARCUS: How are we gonna survive until the dance?
JASON:(thinks for a moment)Wait! I've got it!
JASON: Bring out...(grins evily)the secret weapon!
SCENE EIGHT: Exterior: Sidewalk. Phoebe and Eileen are playing. Jason and Marcus walk up.
JASON: (to Marcus)Heh, heh, now we have...(pulls out Quincy and holds him up to camera)The Secret Weapon!!
J&M walk up to girls holding Quincy.
EILEEN(without even looking up): Hi, Jason. Hi, Marcus. Hi, Quincy.
You're looking cute as ever, Quince.
PHOEBE:(looks at Quincy)Awww, he's adorable!
JASON AND MARCUS: What?!?!?
PHOEBE: Can I pet your iguana, Jason?
JASON: Don't you realize what this is? A terrifying beast! An iguana!
PHOEBE: Yes, a member of the phylum chordata, and incredibly cute!
JASON: Something is going dreadfully wrong here...
EILEEN: Hey, I have an idea! Phoebe and I don't know what to do, so why don't we go with you three and bug Paige!
PHOEBE: Great idea!
MARCUS: Wait....you want to bug Paige?
PHOEBE: Why not? She's annoying.
MARCUS:(to Jason)Wow, I guess some girls aren't so bad after all!
JASON: No, Marcus! It's a trick! It's a trap! They'll trick us into...(gags)...playing with them!
MARCUS: And your point is...
JASON: When we're happy, no telling what we'll do without thinking!
MARCUS: That reminds me. The spring dance is coming up, and I need to go. Phoebe, I was wondering if you would...
JASON: NO! Marcus, what are you thinking? You know we both have the hots for Gretchen! Repeat after me: I love Gretchen! I love Gretchen!
J&M:(together)I love Gretchen. I love Gretchen. I love Gretchen.(as they speak, Marcus begins to loosen up and smile)
MARCUS: I do love Gretchen! In fact, I'm going to ask her to the dance!
JASON: Fat chance, buddy. I'm going to ask her to the dance.
MARCUS: I called it first!
JASON: And I called it second. So?
EILEEN: You're going to ask a snake to the dance?
MARCUS: Miss O'Malley's boa constrictor is the prettiest girl in the school! Of course we want to ask her!
PHOEBE:(to Eileen)What did I ever see in that man?
EILEEN:(to Phoebe)Aside from the fact that we have some of the same interests as them and they're really cute boys?
JASON: I resent that!
EILEEN: What do you mean?
JASON: First of all, we're not cute! And second of all, we have none of the same interests as you! We are interested in math, science, comics, and videogames. And you are interested in math, science, comics, and...
MARCUS:(nudging Jason)Shoulda quit when you were ahead.
SCENE NINE: Hillsdale High. Paige is getting stuff out of her locker. "Jaws" music plays. Paige walks down the hall slowly. Music builds up. Suddenly, Morton pops up.
SCENE TEN: Outside Hillsdale High. Lunch area. Paige and Nicole are eating lunch.
PAIGE: How does he do it? How does he do it?!
PAIGE: Morton! I hardly see him all year, but right when we have a dance coming, he pops up! It's like...It's like...
Pan a few dozen tables over to Morton and his friend.
MORTON: ..like she's following me!!
FRIEND: Care for a game of DnD?
Pan back to Paige and Nicole
NICOLE: Paige, mellow out! You wanted a date for the dance anyway!
You were desperate!
PAIGE: That was before I knew he was available! What can I do if he asks me?
NICOLE: Just say "no". A firm but polite "no". Don't get so exasperated! You're cracking up!
PAIGE: No! I'm not gonna crack! I'm not gonna crack!(faces offscreen, yells)DO YOU HEAR ME? I SAID I'M NOT GONNA CRACK!
NICOLE: And I'm sure those vending machines believe you...
PAIGE: (looks at her sandwich)What are you looking at?!
NICOLE: Oh, by the way, John says he has all the arrangements made for the dance for him and me. After the dance, he's taking me to a romantic dinner at La Masion Rogue, and then we'll drive up to Coyote Point and look at the stars! He really likes me! He says he always has! He loves me!
PAIGE: Shut up, Nicole.
NICOLE: The next day, he's going to take me out to dinner again, this time at La Casa Amor
PAIGE: (angrily)Shut up, Nicole.
NICOLE: And the next night, he's gonna take me to a movie!
PAIGE: SHUT UP, NICOLE!
NICOLE: He really likes me, and I like him!
Fade out playing "Hit the Road, Jack".
Whaddya think? Should I continue with the script? Should I send a copy to Bill Amend and ask if he'd use it for a movie? E-mail me with your feedback!